Broken Smiles

I was broken with a smile on my face

My heart, shattered in bits and pieces

Pseudo love of my life gone without a trace

I thought myself invincible, unbreakable

Our love, to be unconditional and infinite

But you threw me out like yesterday's trash, disposable

Truth be told, at some point I knew you weren't the one

I hoped you'd become, I thought I'd figured you out

But you were always one step ahead, and finally you won

I surrendered my heart to you, I needed to feel

My addiction, being wanted, you made me believe I was

Bathing me in deceitful lies and stolen kisses, never real

My life became one with yours, I was nothing without you

And you loved it; you fed on it like a vulture on a carcass

You loved how I loved you, doing the craziest things for you

That first night you said you loved me, and being the fool I was, I believed you

I was ecstatic and immediately uttered the same words to you

In that moment, I should have known, those words meant nothing to you

You sailed my sea of love, creating ripples, disrupting the calm

Little by little, you drained my self-confidence and self-worth

Until there was nothing left of me, you finally had me in your palms

Broken promises and misplaced priorities, yet I still believed

You'd change after realizing your continuous mistakes

Foolishly believing your deceitful words after every new fluke

Your tongue was sugar, and your mouth, chocolate ice cream

You always knew how to make my blood pump and my heart race

And because of you, words lost all meaning to me

You expertly found ways to make me constantly degrade myself

Doubt and belittle myself, as never good enough for anything

Except walking in your shadow and being an ornament on your shelf

Maybe I was actually to blame; I should have instantly walked away

But I hoped and maybe even prayed, that someday you’d finally change

I told myself, “he’ll change for me; he’ll be a better man one day.”

That was my first mistake, no, it was actually my second

My first was believing you loved me as much as I you

And second was thinking you’d change for me, when you wouldn’t, even for you

My Kind Of Love

They make me see love as a beautiful thing. It's been how long now. They are still going strong. 

They lift each other up. They keep each other warm, even in rainy days. 

Their love, an exhilarating feeling. Love reciprocated. 

A breath of fresh air – garden breeze – from the leaves of the sunflowers, like the ones decorated on the edges of Ivy's hair. 

It is a sweet, genuine smile – not the smirk we got used to – that peeks out of the corners of Jonathan's mouth as he gazes – awestruck – at the beauty of his bride. 

Even as they promise one another, once again, yet till forever. 

Until death do they part. For they are forever. 

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This kind of love is but foreign to me, and those of my kind. 

Ours is binding, like an evil spell cast on the mind. 

The one we've known is imprisoning.

Caging us like animals caught while poaching. 

Never have I experienced this kind of love. 

But maybe I have, just once, though it was fleeting. 

Daring and somewhat consuming. 

It filled my soul with endless need, yet still foreign. 

For I'd only known how to love in pieces and not in whole. 

That once, slipped out of my grasp, almost as quickly as it came. 

Except that once, all I've known is pain. The love that is pain. 

The one that takes and takes, till you have nothing left to give. 

Maybe we were only made to love in that way. 

Their love is pure and kind. It gives its all. 

It's sad to say, but I want their kind of love. 

But will I ever experience it? 

Was I made to be loved in that way? 

Could it be that I was made only for pain? 

These questions. Rhetorical but burning. Hindering.

But my mind knows the truth. It speaks even in silence. 

And my heart listen.

Surely love is pain. 

At least, my kind of love.